Onanism 2

"Onanism," she was saying. "Onanism; onanistic, onanizer, to onone. Is that the verb, Jody? What's the verb? Like to masturbate. To onanize? Geez, where can I look it up? I've got to find a sex dictionary, Jody. Where can I find one?"
"You don't need to find one, darling Susie. You could write one. You know ALL the words. You know words I haven't even heard of before."

"Oh, gee, Jody, hey, you flatter me. With a compliment like that, I just might quit school and be a success in life."

Jody studied her friend. "Whatever would you do?" She could see her best friend sitting in an editorial office somewhere, humped over a huge book with a feather for a pen, dipping it in an inkwell and printing words like masturbation and onanism in a delicate script.

Her other hand, of course, would be between her legs. Practicing what she was preaching. "Susie's Words for Secret" she would call it. It would sell like hot cakes. Like pancakes.

"I'd teach," said Susie without hesitation.

"What? I'm afraid to ask. Don't tell me." Jody was shaking with laughter. The boy behind Susie, who had been picking up the used trays, was giving Susie the horns behind her back. Susie didn't notice.

"I'd teach masturbation in a local college," she announced. "Some schools allow you to teach anything you damn well please. Without credentials."

"You certainly have those," Jody said, drinking the last of her milk.

"Well, hey, Jody, I have the words. But you have the techniques. Would you be my assistant? You could spread-eagle in the laboratory ... we'd have a three-hour lab once a week. You would be paid well. You wouldn't have to show up for the lectures. I'd have three one-hour lectures per week.

"I'm sure it would be the most popular course on campus."

"I'd teach an introductory course and an advanced one, plus a graduate seminar."

"You'd be the first full professor of masturbation in the country. A real first for any female."

"Would you come?" asked Susie, her eyes bright with excitement.

"I certainly would, are you kidding? Three hours of masturbating, I'd probably come twenty times. Minimally."

"Hey, that's great, Jody. I knew you wouldn't let me down."

"You'd have to insure my pussy, though. With all that activity,something might go awry. You know, amiss."

"I'd get a stunt man, I mean a stunt woman. She could do all the fancy things. You wouldn't have to worry."

"Hey, thanks, that's a big relief. I'd hate to risk my neck. We could get the movie rights, too. Distribute to sex education classes everywhere. We'd be rich." Jody was always thinking of money. When she wasn't thinking of sex.

"Are you so materialistic as all that?" cried Susie. Her disappointment in her friend was keen. "We wouldn't do this for MONEY! We would do it for pleasure. For the pleasure of spreading the word on this greatest of all sexual arts. We would contribute all proceeds to the Foundation for Masturbation. I mean, where is your sense of duty? Really, Jody. Money! Bah humbug."

She finished the last bite of pancake. "I must go. I'd rather come. But I must go. What are your plans for after school?" She got up, and nearly bumped into the boy, who had finished clearing the trays from the tables all around them, and now was only pretending to clear trays away. He obviously had the hots for Susie.
"Why are you standing so close to me?" exclaimed Susie without a pause. "I mean, why aren't you lying on top of me? I would vastly prefer it!" She smiled at him, blew him a kiss, waved good-bye to Jody and gave the boy the finger behind his back.

Jody laughed and called after her. "I'm going to chapel." It was a code word that they both understood.

"Enjoy!" yelled Susie, bounding up the stairs to the door. She paused dramatically at the top, pretending to give a lecture. Then she disappeared out the door.

Jody finished and flirted with the boy as he took her tray away. He didn't even notice her. He had the hots for Susie. Kitchen workers prefer brunettes, thought Jody snottily. Gentlemen prefer blondes.

She removed her hand from her crotch, which she had been keeping warm all during breakfast, got up gracefully and left.